why the hell i’m doing this

Hello god it’s me again. it’s now three am and my alarm is going to go off in an hour. but my head is so full of thoughts i had to get them down #3AMThoughts

I am compelled to write. As in, I don’t like it. It’s not a hobby of mine. I do it every day whether I want to or not. I have to. There are too many thoughts in my head.
So that’s one reason.
I’m writing anyway. Might as well write something publishable. This is currently my only outlet to publish.  There was a hope*writers challenge a week or two ago to create and publish something over the weekend.

challenge: accepted

Since I just finished editing my first novel for beta readers…

Yes, this is the first time I’ve announced my novel and WOW does it feel good…

Since I just finished that I thought why not do a crazy February challenge.. Only 29 days. Let’s do something crazy for Leap Year.

So I challenged myself:

Ok so here’s my challenge. I’ll post something every day of February. It might not be long and it almost certainly won’t be good but i’ve been inspired by a hope*writers challenge to write something and post it. No one can read my writing if I don’t publish it.

My challenge is to give you 29 blog posts in February 2020.

Well, this is it. The time has come and I’m only partially prepared. But that’s ok. I’ve challenged myself and that’s what a challenge is all about. 

 Challenge: noun

a call or summons to engage in any contest, as of skill, strength, etc.
something that by its nature or character serves as a call to battle, contest, special effort, etc.: Space exploration offers a challenge to humankind.
a call to fight, as a battle, a duel, etc.
a demand to explain, justify, etc.: a challenge to the treasurer to itemize expenditures.
difficulty in a job or undertaking that is stimulating to one engaged in it.

I am calling myself to battle. With the words, with myself, with the nature of this blog beast. I also like the ‘call to fight’ though this is not a duel, I am fighting plenty. My own fear and inertia. My lack of knowledge and experience.

This is not to see what I can do. I know I can do it. This is a test of will to force myself to battle my fear of putting my words out there. To ask for support, even to beg for it. To battle my anxiety. To battle my ignorance. 

I am going to wrestle with these things and I will conquer them. The good news is I don’t believe I’ll emerge bloody and bruised. I believe I’ve already done that.