My goals have been slippery and the progress steep. It’s been hard to get purchase. Hard to find the energy to keep going.
{still doing it.}
The last part of my walk every weekday morning ends with a steep climb up a tall hill.
It may be the hardest part of the journey.
It also tells me the journey is almost over.
Here is what I’ve learned: The climb is more fun than the tenure part. Getting to the top is more enjoyable than trying to stay there.
Jennifer Weiner Real Simple August 2020
Being at the top is great, but I’m looking forward to the downhill ride. Still, I can’t ignore that some say this is the best part of the journey. The hard part.
{It’s the REAL part anyway.}
…there will always be something bigger and better to chase. The work has to be its own reward, because external validations will never be enough.
Jennifer Weiner Real Simple August 2020
Everybody’s having a hard year. On the whole, I have few complaints.
The descent from above, especially at night when you can see the lights glowing in the towns and houses around the airport. Everything looks picture perfect, though somewhere in those houses are people living just like you and me. Nothing magical.
Editing is much the same way: It sounds glamorous, but it’s hard and dismal work. The end result will be worth it, when everything looks as though I intended it that way from the beginning.
After my writing month in JULY, I think I need to take AUGUST off in future.
This shouldn’t be a surprise to me, since MAY was the same after working my way through APRIL‘s CAMP NANOWRIMO, but I am disappointed.
I feel, not that I can do more, but that I should be able to do more, when I just can’t.
It’s an unrealistic expectation, but I expect it nonetheless.
I don’t know what next month holds, nor do I care to plan for it at this point. Don’t tell anybody, but I plan to wing it.
Sometimes things look one way from one perspective and completely upside down from another. I wonder how that happens. Is it a trick of the light? Bad timing? Or totally not what you thought you were looking at at all?
why can’t things just make sense?
This month I have been working on GOODBYE with R and we have made some fantastic progress.
i’m still not happy …
It’s strange looking back on work I started so long ago (five years) and that I labored over so intensely (two of those, I think) and not recognize my own work. It’s hard for me to believe this stuff came out of my head.
except when I come across something stupid, then I’m convinced it’s my work.
I’m walking a tightrope between wanting what I have and having what I want. It’s difficult, but not impossible, to negotiate. Here’s to the third week of the month.
I was asked to collaborate with another hope*writer on the subject of intentional kindness. This is what I came up with:
Intentional kindness involves thinking ahead to give a gift. Often, I have found, this gift is silence: allowing someone else the space to be themselves. Especially when we don’t agree with their opinions or views, silence can be loving our neighbors in a way that is difficult and sometimes impossible. Silence also leaves room for listening, another intentional kindness.
What do you think?
What is your definition of intentional kindness?
It also made me think of my purpose in being a hope*writer:
I’ve been struggling lately with how I write for Hope.
Hope is part of my daily existence, but in my writing..?
I was focused too much on perfection, a constant struggle of mine.
I spent way too much time on the “finished” scenes (in quotes because they are in no way finished, but they are complete) and not enough time writing the “to write” scenes.
It hasn’t been easy. I’m not fighting the surf, but the waves have been tugging at me and slowing me down. It’s been a hard week for work and getting things done around the house or in the world, and I haven’t written much of what I wanted to write.
I didn’t get as distracted by editing tasks as I did the week before, but I didn’t move as much stuff on my KANBAN board: spoiler: ONE post it has moved…
The last day of writing this week I really knuckled down with a good friend and we pounded out some words. This post was part of that. I’ve fallen behind in some of my other projects and caught up in many more.
Sometimes I feel the current sucking at my feet, but I believe I’ll make it. The end of JULY and the end of this challenge are within sight, and I know my plans for the future.
It’s a unique place for me, kind of like the top of Everest. From what I’ve heard, you don’t get to take in the view very long before you have to go back down…
I’ve heard this expression so much this week I had to begin with it.
Being ‘in the weeds,’ I guess, is to be hung up in the details.
Missing the forest for the trees.
That’s a bit where I am.
I got hung up in the prep for CAMP, and the writing got off to a slow start.
It’s going better now.
I’ve finished the ending and done a little more. Notes to myself look something like this:
THAT’S A REALLY GREAT ENDING SO WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY BEFORE THAT.
As of the last post, I had a little over 5K words.
To date, I have 13,034.
IT’S BEEN A GOOD WEEK.
(I wrote that before I knew it would be)
TODAY (JULY 7th) I caught up to my word count goal and am now back on track for writing 1k a day to make my goal. I’m excited, and I can’t wait to update.
TODAY (JULY 10th) I caught up again after falling behind. I wrote nearly three thousand words. I had more to say here, but my update didn’t save.
TODAY (JULY 13th) I am finishing this post before I do any more writing on LUKE. Priorities.
My progress has seemed scattered to me, but the truth is it’s been quite good. Not only the word count, but also the actual product.
I’m pleased with what I’m writing.
I went through beginning to end (or rather vice versa) and there’s very little off target.
Here’s the progress my board has made!
I’m still getting distracted. Don’t think all those words are LUKE related. I’ve done a lot though, and I’m proud of my progress.
Got a lot written in my notebook before falling asleep most of the day. Then watching the countdown clock while trying to read for censorship. All in a day’s work.
I did do some interesting work on LUKE’S background. You know, pre-story elements that influence or foreshadow events in the novel.
JUNE 24:
I typed the word LUKE.
Actually, I did begin the very important step of organizing a story binder for my novel. This is where I take all the loose pieces of paper and put them together in a binder. It reminds me of story elements I may have forgotten (like the layout of a certain apartment complex) or need a refresher on (what was the bartender’s real name?). Remember, it’s been a year since I looked at this stuff and not all of it has stuck.
JUNE 25:
I am hopeless. I will do the hard work.
Today it has been especially hard to write about LUKE because I feel so uninspired and tired of the whole project. I’d love to say there are only five days left in the challenge, but that’s only in the blog challenge. I don’t know why I can’t seem to sit down and write about LUKE no matter what I do. So here I sit writing about how I can’t write about my book. That sounds like a filthy excuse, and I should go back to writing.
Upon a second glance, it looks like I did some important background work on a couple of characters. That’s never wasted time.
JUNE 26
So, I’ve done more blogging about writing than writing itself. That’s ok the writing will come next month.
JULY CAMP is next month (only a few days now). I’ve adjusted my goal from 50K to 30K.
SAD FACE 😦
If you remember, I wanted to write 50K in APRIL and didn’t make it. I did make 30K.
While I totally believe it’s possible to write 50K in a month and plan to do it again in NOVEMBER, I don’t think this month or this project is the time to push boundaries. I would rather have 20K of usable words than 50K of gibberish, which is usually what I come up with the first go round.
For JULY’s hard work, I am going to try to write LUKE backwards.
Yes, you heard me. End to beginning.
You may be thinking:
But why?!? Didn’t you say you already have the beginning done?
YES! look how far it’s gotten me…
JUNE 27
I started practicing the backwards thing, trying to tell myself the story in reverse. I actually remembered quite a bit, I’m proud to say.
Here’s me getting real with myself about a couple of my characters:
They’re not going to be considerate people, and they’re not going to have good ideas.
Sometimes I have to get over what I thought I was doing and write the characters as they are, not as I would wish them to be. Not everyone in my stories are nice people, and though it would be great to only write about nice people, I’ve committed to telling the truth in my fiction, and the truth is frequently ugly.
JUNE 28
Yet another (unconventional) character has appeared in my peripheral vision, and though s/he must be acknowledged, I’m not sure s/he must be developed. We shall see.
Questions about setting. Whether the events I have taking place are appropriate for the location they are taking place and vice versa. How do my characters fit into this setting, and do I have the right things in place.
JUNE 29
More blogging than writing, but that’s ok. It’s the last day of the month tomorrow and that will be my final prep day. I’m going to continue assembling my notebook and will be ready to rock and roll on the 1st …
J says: I’d rather be 100% done with 10% of the work than 10% done with 100% of the work
JUNE 16TH:
LUKE for 15MIN. What am I going to do? I hate all of it. It’s garbage. Next month is CAMP, and I know I should work on LUKE, but I don’t know where to start. FREAK OUT. Go back to the list:
when in doubt, we can always…
begin at the beginning
muddle through the middle
end with the ending
It just so happens this novel has three parts, so that’s particularly helpful.
I think I will go over the notes and decide what to do.
MUDDY MIDDLE IT IS! I decided to tackle this character head on and try to get inside. We shall see how it works, but for today that is enough.
JUNE 17TH:
Today I did the work of going back over my notes, or at least starting to. I began to get the character a little more. I re-met the person I have been writing about for months.
It was like running into an old acquaintance and remembering some fond and distant memory the two of you share.
I was inspired by my writing group, BYONAP (more on them later), whose assignment it is this week to uncover some character quirks. We wanted to have a laugh and that’s what we’ve come up with. This is not the project I’m working on for them, but I decided it was a good dry run for that work.
So, I began to unearth my character’s quirks as well as his/her past and the reasons he/she ticks. My characters have a heartbeat and I treat them like real people who whisper their stories in my ear.
I am not afraid to share them with you.
However, I don’t want to give the story or parts of the novel away by referring to specific characters and their development. That’s why the he/she.
I don’t even want to know which character I’m talking about unless I just happen to remember. It’s important y’all not feel like you’ve read the novel before it’s published, because that would suck, and you wouldn’t want to buy it.
I want you to want to buy it very much.
JUNE 18TH
Mostly rambled. J asked how an event happened. I’d thought about the event, but not the episodes leading up to it.
I realized I need some more research (or at least quick google searches to make sure I’m not making stupid mistakes)
JUNE 19TH
More ramblings on another character. How he/she is dressed and what’s the particular problem. Insecurities and character quirks. Details about this person’s job.
JUNE 20
ALL IS DOOMED. I may have to start over. I’ve been asked and asked myself some hard questions about these characters. Deep questions about their motivations and backgrounds that formed the people they are. I don’t know if I’ve said it here, but I feel and respect my characters as real people telling me their stories, so to think I may have misjudged them or they may not end up where I thought is disconcerting. This is probably nothing new, but I’m panicking.
DIRTY REALISM is the official genre, says R. I’m pretty sure that still makes it LIT FIC, but who knows.
Another character has entered my head and I’m wondering about the necessity of creating yet another. Madness I tell you. These characters are doing things that don’t make sense to me and I’m afraid I’m going to end up with yet another story I didn’t intend to write.
JUNE 21
Starting back over with a character. R asked me to describe this character and it got me thinking about his/her motivations and origins. It was nice to go back to the drawing board, though I still haven’t looked at my notes or anything. All of this is coming out of my head, and I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. It’s helpful to re-think the whens whys and hows of where characters came from and how they got to where they are.
That’s it for this week. Thanks for reading and stay tuned to me *hopefully* getting my act together next week. Until.
litewings.ink 