All right, dammit,
*rolls up sleeves*
Reader 1: you wanted me to shit my thoughts on a blog? Here they come…
Everybody/Anybody else…? Well…NO! I will not run out of steam. I’m pretty much angry at all of you. Every Human Being On the Planet. And then some. And I’d be angry AT the planet, if that would do any good, but I’m too damn sensible…so people it is. ALL you motherfuckers.
And I spent purtneer (“pretty near” for those who don’t speak southern—just like it’s spelled) the whole damn weekend pissing off as many of you as I possibly could (or ignoring the ones I couldn’t) so that you’d leave me the hell alone, finally.
Boy, I am out of practice! I’ve gotten real freakin nice in my old age! I had to throwback 14 whole years to resurrect the kind of bitch I needed to be to piss people off good and proper…and I gotta admit…it felt pretty good. When does behaving badly not?
So…mad at me yet?
Cause this is usually where I drop the truth bomb: I’m not mad at you at all.
Not even a little.
I’m mad at me. Furious. Absolutely. Fucking. Incensed. But I won’t talk to me, hell, I won’t even look at me.
Remember that joke about how ‘I’m so [whatever], my imaginary friends won’t play with me?’ Except my imaginary freinds would LOVE to play with me; it’s my real self that’s being such a goddam bitch.
So I just got fed up with that and acted like a little kid who’s threatened by her bestie’s cool new neighbors: I just chased everybody else off. Cute.
I have one of the highest EQs (emotional intelligence, or empathy in short) of anyone I know, which I attribute almost entirely to reading since childhood (kids need books), how the FUCK is it possible that I, myself, am this emotionally immature?!?
So, I’m sorry, but a lot of this (blog) may have been bullshit…but that’s also probably why there hasn’t been that much of it…so at least there’s that.
Also I guess I’m going to have to start talking to myself, and that’s unlikely to be pleasant all the time (entertaining probably, but not real ‘nice.’), and will almost certainly be confusing as fuck.
We’ll do it your(my) way.